Sometimes life is hard but, even though games are often used as a form of pure escapism, game characters have a hard time as well from time to time. Whether by our orders or simply through a cruel twist of fate, here’s a list of the ten characters in gaming who seem to get the most amount of abuse thrown there way. This list may contain mild spoilers.
Most JRPG protagonists – Any JRPG
If it’s not amnesia, a mysterious past, bereavment, or some other kind of misfortune, the likelihood is your protagonist is some kind of clone or demonic being. Or you’re probably just not playing a classic enough JRPG. Either way, JRPG heroes stereotypically wind up being tortured characters indeed.
Crash Bandicoot – Crash Bandicoot series
A lot of platforming characters have it rough, with countless traps and enemies out to get them at every conceivable opportunity. Crash seems to have the most vivid death animations though, making me feel even more sorry for the cuddly old bandicoot.
Your Dark Souls character – Demon’s Dark Souls
Any tough game could take this spot, but Demon\’s Souls and Dark Souls probably throw more deaths at the player than any other contemporary franchise. These deaths aren\’t always from monsters either. With other players invading your game at any chance they can, defeat and humiliation often go hand in hand for the warrior under your control.
Guybrush Threepwood – Monkey Island series
Part of Guybrush’s charm is how danger and misfortune seem to cling to him like a parasite. The following image shows him at the beginning of Monkey Island 2, where he recounts how he got into his situation, all whilst dangling over a deadly precipice. You can\’t get more unlucky than that.
Your online avatar – Any online game
Death is the least of your worries in the online arena these days. Whether it\’s trash talk, corpse humping, or some other miscellaneous form of digital abuse, few avenues of the internet are safe for your online avatar.
James Sunderland – Silent Hill 2
Being a protagonist in a locale as disturbing as Silent Hill is probably already enough to qualify you for the abused hero of the year award, but James Sunderland really had it bad. His wife is dead for a start, he is potentially hallucinating about replacing her and, depending on what ending you get, he winds up killing himself as a result of it all. How cheerful.
Max Payne – Max Payne series
If anyone has an excuse to be a brooding cop on the edge, it’s Max Payne. His wife and child are killed at the beginning of the first game, Max\’s love interest suffers multiple deaths throughout the series and Max himself suffers countless injuries and near misses during his misadventures.
The Paperboy – Paperboy
Any neigbourhood where the grim reaper casually roams the streets is going to have an absolute bitch of a paper round, a fact aptly demonstrated by Paperboy. Aside from the early starts, you\’d reckon being a paperboy wouldn\’t prove too demanding, but this particular hero proves his mettle every morning on the dangerous assault course that is his life. What a trooper.
Wander – Shadow of the Colossus
Wander starts off on an adventure to save a damsel in distress, goes through a massive quest with no company other than his horse and he winds up getting turned into one of the very creatures he\’s fighting at the end of the game. It’s just one thing after another.
Lara Croft – Tomb Raider series
A generation defining title with some of the most memorable and diverse death animations ever to boot. Every fall, knashed bone and, in a particularly elabourate case, joint turning to gold felt gruesome and visceral. It all seems a little too gory for a lady such as Lara to handle, but I guess that\’s what she signed up for.
By George Reith
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